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[04 Jun 2002|03:56pm] |
terror // this is what you call me // i strike terror among men // i can't be bothered by what they think // i bear my cross // my soul // myself // i forgive // but i never forget // i have been put upon this earth in female form // but i can handle myself with the best of you // as well as the worst // and i often have // i have the right to remain silent // but i choose to speak // sing // scream // i am lips // hips // tits // i am the power of a woman // strong like music // true like friendship // but without my friends there would be no music // only spoken word // (fucker) // i am unable to change // so i live without regret // without remorse // only a remix // i am drunk // i am sober // heaven doesn't want me and hell's afraid i?ll take over // don't bother trying to censor me or shut me up // because it won't work // i am cold and distant // yet warm and close to those who deserve to see that side of me // part of me // the heart of me // you find me so hard to understand in your world // the world you perceive to be so normal // i am deformed // scorned // reborn // i am me // and i know exactly who i am // what i am // and the wrath i bring // the ugly beauty // the lying truth // the virgin whore // the quiet storm // a lover // a fighter // a saint // a sinner // a sister // a daughter // old school // a beginner // i have decorated myself with love // hate // truth // you // all of you // both of you // none of you // more than one of you // with lips like sugar // eyes like meat // i?ve watched men come // go // and cheat // i sleep to dream and dream of sleep // i had a dream joe // that you were standing in the middle of an open road // i had a dream Joe // that your hands were raised up to the sky and your mouth was covered in foam // i?ve been crucified // justified // and mortified by my behaviour // both feminine and masculine // i am a contradiction // a juxtaposition // my relief is my release and only time will tell // all's well that ends well // i am unsweetened // unclean // been called drama queen // ex girlfriend // ex member // the tantrum // the temper // i point my finger // take the blame // and this time i will own the name // because nobody is going to ruin me // if i have to i will ruin myself // and it will be my ruin // (fucker)
"Terror" by My Ruin
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| Obsession is good for the soul.... |
[26 Jan 2002|10:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pensive |
] |
or was that confession?
Too Late
(G. Stefani, T. Dumont, T. Kanal)
I just want to take you away from everyone
And keep you stashed under my pillow
And then I?d take you out simply for my own pleasure
And wear you when the occasions special
Then I?d put you on like a diamond
So I can sparkle and be the envy of my friends
I?d proudly hold the leash that I?d have you on
So you can?t stray and follow me around all day
It?s too late now
I don?t think it can fade
It?s too real now
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze
Compulsion has stained me
I?m nervously cradling our young love
Without known limits love
Like a butterfly cupped in my hands
I peek in to see beauty trapped
Confined it flutters
Then it leaves behind colorful dust
To remind me of the special times we?ve spent
But of course it has to leave my clutch
But enough?s never enough to make a dent
It?s too late now
I don?t think it can fade
It?s too real now
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze
And in time it will end
And there really isn?t hope for the two of us
But right now I give in...
It?s too late now
I don?t think it can fade
It?s too real now
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze
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| Recap-Con 2002 |
[21 Jan 2002|09:40pm] |
I am cool and that is it and everyone else is full of...full of...full of...
After several hours of getting readiness, Jelli and I missed the train. Well, almost. Then, thanks to me, we took the wrong green line. But managed to scare some normals. Then we walked in the wrong direction (again my fault) to the Ritz Carlton. Hey, they're both big, fancy hotels, right?
Upon entering the hotel, I decided to have a moment of panic, subdued by all the sugar I managed to consume. After finding someone with a key, we were let into our minikin room and proceeded to get dressed. Then we waited in the lobby for a while, until we started unloading props in little more than a tank top and a cheering skirt. But sugar makes one immune to the cold, does it not?
Hmm, Shocky was an interesting experience. I didn't screw up too much, and I never have to do that freaking dance ever again. Huzzah! Glee!
Brennan was a stellar guy. Creepy props guy was not; however I got a free shirt out of him.
I ended up sleeping next to the yellow ninja on the floor of his room. But nothing happened, I swear.
Keith, thank you for keeping me sober.
"Arthur, are you decent?"
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| we're all living like there's no tomorrow |
[19 Jan 2002|10:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Shocky "Looking for Trade" |
] |
from my horoscope:
On Saturday, you will feel a surge of aggressive energy that will last through the weekend. Feel free to take romantic risks even if you are unsure of the consequences. Your sexual drive will be much higher than usual, so get ready for fun and excitement in the bedroom!
Rock the fuck on! \m/
GLEE!!!
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[16 Jan 2002|09:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Pink "Don't Let Me Get Me" |
] |
</a>
Which drink are you?
Am I going to slip behind my teeth and curl up in my throat so I can't get hurt anymore and my enemies can gloat? Am I going to let everybody else take a little piece of my hide until I'm nothing anymore and I'm all empty inside am I going to pretend to smile with my teeth clenched behind lips and am I going to keep running behind until somebody slips? Am I going to go in circles like a hamster in a wheel and sleep until the pain is gnawed away and I no longer feel? And am I going crazy again? Am I going to die? Am I going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry? Am I going to miss me when I can't take it anymore and watch them trace the pretty patterns of my body on the floor? Am I ever going to stand up? Am I ever going to change? Am I looking for a reason as to why I act so strange? Am I speaking any known language? Do I have to shout? If I open up my mouth will anything come out? Am I talking too much? Am I dying to be heard? Am I desperately searching for just the right word? Am I going to love myself? Will someone please hold my hand? Can anyone answer these questions in a way I can understand?
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[16 Jan 2002|08:49pm] |
never win first place
i don't support the team
i can't take direction
and my socks are never clean
teachers dated me
my parents hated me
i was always in a fight
cause i can't do nothing right
every day i fight a war against the mirror
i can't take the person staring back at me
i'm a hazard to myself
don't let me get me
i'm my own worst enemy
it's bad when you annoy yourself
so irritating
don't want to be my friend no more
i want to be somebody else
i want to be somebody else
l.a. told me
you'll be a pop star
all you have to change
is everything you are
tired of being compared
to damn britney spears
"she's so pretty"
that just ain't me
so doctor doctor won't you please prescribe me something
a day in the life of someone else
cause i'm a hazard to myself
don't let me get me
i'm my own worst enemy
it's bad when you annoy yourself
so irritating
don't want to be my friend no more
i want to be somebody else
don't let me get me
i'm my own worst enemy
it's bad when you annoy yourself
so irritating
don't want to be my friend no more
i want to be somebody else
so doctor doctor won't you please prescribe me something
a day in the life of someone else
don't let me get me
i'm a hazard to myself
don't let me get me
i'm my own worst enemy
it's bad when you annoy yourself
so irritating
don't want to be my friend no more
i want to be somebody else
don't let me get me
i'm my own worst enemy
it's bad when you annoy yourself
so irritating
don't want to be my friend no more
i want to be somebody else
don't let me get me
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| Look what I did to My ID! |
[13 Jan 2002|11:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tori Amos "Raspberry Swirl" |
] |
Hello to all my loyal readers (all two of you).
I know, I haven't updated in forever. I have been off in my own little world. I kinda had a nervous breakdown...wow, it was two Thursdays ago. So now I'm on Zoloft, which I hate. I think it's not doing anything because I feel so bad taking it, and yet it's supposed to make me feel better-they balance each other out.
I also haven't eaten in a while. I just don't feel like it. Every time I do I'm queasy for a long time afterward. I'm sorry to everyone who had to put up with me on Thursday-but thank you for not tarring and feathering me. I swear, I didn't pull the fire alarm. It must have been Joel's bag.
Went to Captain's Corageous last nite. Jen and I ended up in the hallway. God love her, she's actually trying to teach me how to dance. HAH! No, I do think I'm learning somewhat. I just need to get my nurse costumes back and make them very, very short. Hopefully I can make it to the meeting today. I don't know how long I want to be around certain people though. I feel like snapping.
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[03 Jan 2002|06:10pm] |
What FFVII character are you?? Find out here!!! by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) washu!!
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| aku ryo tai san!!!! |
[03 Jan 2002|06:08pm] |
You are Sailor Mars!
You are firey, and powerful, and you
have a bit of a quick temper.
You have special spiritual powers that
go beyond that of just being a Sailor Senshi.
You fight with fire!
Take the Which Sailor Are You? Quiz!
...created by Kenzie.
</font>
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| and i split into fractions |
[03 Jan 2002|05:16pm] |
I am shards of a whole person.
Unthinking, unfeeling, uncaring scraps of a whole.
When you're stripped of everything, what remains?
Part of me says,
"Get over it. If it can be taken away from you, it was never you to begin with. After they take away all they can, what remains is you. Only in these situations do we truly know who we are."
I have been trying so hard to find who I am. So I analyze everything to death and become overly emotional and let everything affect me. And maybe I've been doing it too long. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore really. I don't know who I am. I just know I hate her.
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| god bless lili st. cyr |
[02 Jan 2002|05:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kronos Quartet |
] |
strumpet n : a woman adulterer [syn: adulteress, fornicatress, hussy, jade, loose woman, slut]
Yum!
Where can I get me one of those?
I enjoy being stumbly drunk but sober enough to remember the next day. Which I do. Vividly.
I am so sick of being used.
And I'm depressed again. Only Lissa knows why. I'm sorry I can't tell anyone else.
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| meow |
[02 Jan 2002|02:53pm] |
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My Nude Years rocked.
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| I'm not just a cookie. I'm fruit and cake! |
[30 Dec 2001|11:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tori Amos "Bells For Her" |
] |
I'm home.
Schenectady was all right. People kept giving me money! And I got some cigarettes, which I've been smoking on my roof.
Has anyone seen the moon lately? She is so beautiful. I feel truly blessed just to walk under her.
Hmm, a painting of a girl on her roof under the full moon smoking would be nice. I'll have to start working on that one.
I got my webcam working. So for all of you who wish to see it, add me to your Yahoo Instant Messenger list. I'm belldandy_85.
Love ya!
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| lucid. |
[26 Dec 2001|12:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
renewed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mundy "To You I Bestow" |
] |
I went dancing with ghosts last night.
They swirled in their long white shrouds like so many clouds and I wondered how long they'd been dead.
I slept in the dirt and walked through my teeth till I came to a place I had never been.
I saw the light of the stars, like so many diamonds, and they covered me as they looked down.
I put pennies over my eyes and swam and breathed and as I walked I kicked up leaves.
My gown was made of spiderwebs and silk and fog, and spread throughout it were flecks of dew.
I cried for things which had never been, then tried to forget so many bad dreams and let go of my thoughts for one second.
I was beautiful and graceful.
I was tiny and white, and got lost in the night as clouds covered the moon.
I waited for the memories to come flooding back, and wrote volumes in the sand beneath my feet.
And dawn never came.
I kissed his statue, and wished it weren't broken.
I wept uncontrollably for things beyond my control, then upon realizing this, wept again.
I was a soft shadow, a whisper among the screamers.
Sometimes there were flashes of love, which I tried to hold in my hands, but it flowed through my fingers.
I was everyone I ever wanted to be.
I was nothing.
I was me.
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| I am... |
[23 Dec 2001|11:53am] |
I promise I won't post any more today.
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| Dear god... |
[22 Dec 2001|08:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gleeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dead Kennedys "Holiday in Cambodia" |
] |
This is such a quality song.
GLEE!!!
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